but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
