You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
