Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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