I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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