Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
