I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
