Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
