I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
