come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
