you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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