Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
