he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
