is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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