If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
