Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize