he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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