I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
