It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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