He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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