is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
