we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
