Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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