Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
