U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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