This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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