Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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