i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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