the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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