dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
