I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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