is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
