I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
