So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
