you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
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She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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