He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
