im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.