I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party