She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital