You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
