A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
