Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
