Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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