Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
