I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
