I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
