I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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