just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize