If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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