i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
