You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
