mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
