that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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