so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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