So drunk its hurt
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
