I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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