I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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