i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
