I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
