He kissed a someone with a penis
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
