covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
