Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
