He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
