the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
