Jerry, you need to find god
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
