a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
