Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
