How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
