Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
