If that was your dad, he is hot
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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