If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
