I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
