You're my little dorito
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
