I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
