dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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