I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
