Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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