Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize