Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
